1/2 way point. (plus a month, but who’s counting?)

So I’m a little over my half birthday… and well, the ambition (per usual) has died down.  I had such great intentions to make a list of 36 things to accomplish this year (since I’m :::shutter::: 36 this year).

I have always been lazy and over ambitious; two things that don’t mix well.  I am not a doer, I want to be, but I’m not naturally a doer.  I have the greatest ideas, but I don’t have the motivation to follow through with them.  Its a shame.  I know I’d be world famous crafter or designer or president or something… if only I could find my strength and motivation.  Seriously though, I have come up with some fantastic ideas.  Lately I have so many ideas, my head is going to explode.  I’ve started writing them down in order for that to not happen.  No one wants to see my head explode… 

All in all… I’m gosh darn depressed!  Some days I feel fantastic and I have all this hope for the future and I’m excited… then there are days like today, where I feel… low, hopeless, worrisome.

This all brings up a thought, many of them actually, but first:  How did I end up here?  Not that I’m in a bad place, nothing like that.  Not even close.  I’m in a great place.  I just never imagined this life for myself.  I always imagined somehow (without any effort on my part, of course) I’d be happily working for someone I enjoyed, married, kids, house, picket fence, the American Dream!  All of it without giving any effort, because I truly felt, it would all just land in my lap.  I never imagined I’d be sans any of those things.  Not that I’d trade my current situation (other than my job — I’m not happy with that at all and would trade it in)… my current situation is great, I’m grateful for all the things & people I have in my life.  Its a good life.  I just have never had/made a plan for myself.  I have always just gone day to day, flowing with the flow…

And now… here I am …36.  It’s not old, but lets be real… its not young either.  I should have at least some of my shit figured out.  This thought really gets to me a lot.  I’ve never been that person that cared about age until this year.  This is the first year I’ve been really upset about not accomplishing any dreams and not even knowing what my dreams are.  I know I have time to accomplish a lot… and I’m working on it, working on it harder than I ever have before.  Yet… nothing has come to fruition and I’m frustrated.  I know things take time, and I’m working on being patient with myself and others.  I’m also trying to not put an importance on the things that are out of my control.  Everything I need is on its way.  I genuinely believe that.  Though… for my sanity, I need progress.  I need to make progress, with the things that are in my control.

I’ve been putting A LOT of thought into going back to school, and even a few actions in place.  I don’t have a solid set in stone plan, just yet, but I have some basic steps in place.  First and foremost is finances.  I have to get my finances in order.  My rough/basic plan is as follows:

\\FINANCES:
–Save $$
–Sell more on Etsy
–Work with financial aid
–Get part time job

\\ETSY:
–Create more items for the store
–PROMOTE
–Blog more (part of the promotion)
–Make business cards

\\SCHOOL:
–Register – DONE
–Financial Aid – In process (waiting for my award letter)
–Talk to counseling office (what classes do I take?!)
–Sign up!

That’s the basic/rough plan so far.   I know there are so so so many details I need to iron out before anything happens… but I’m on a good path.  And I need to stay focused.  If I don’t, I may lose my mind.  I need to move forward with my life… I’ve been standing still for far too long.  Its beginning to feel like my feet are in concrete and I can’t move.  I’m desperate to get moving…

Wish me luck; good, preferably.

How I feel, stuck.

This is a drawing of how I feel; stuck in a bucket of cement, while wearing a seriously adorable dress. (I’m an incredible artist, I know.)

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#100HappyDays

Can I?  We are about to find out...

Can I? We are about to find out…

So I’ve seen a few people here and there hash tagging “#100HappyDays” with a photo of something that makes them happy.  This morning I woke up feeling a little stuck and frustrated (again) and these unhappy thoughts got me thinking.

I need more happiness in my life.  I need to choose happiness.  

I feel like I haven’t been fulfilling my own happiness very much lately.  I feel like I’m busy taking care of all the unfun stuff (chores, errands, grown up stuff, etc) and doing things to satisfy others happiness.  I have forgotten to speak up for my own happiness.

I am hoping that this exercise will help me focus on my happiness and in return make the other people around me happy.  Happiness is pretty infectious, ya know?

Here’s hoping I can keep it up!  The website says 71% of  people fail… not good odds.  ha!

If you’d like to join me, check it out and sign up!  HERE:  http://100happydays.com/

This is what first has me thinking about it:  http://www.hlntv.com/article/2014/03/05/100-happy-days-photo-challenge

I officially start tomorrow (March 26, 2014) and if I decide to stop at 100 days (hopefully I’ll keep it up!) will be July 4th, 2014.  What a perfect ending date.  I love fireworks!  I will be sharing my “happiness photos” via Instagram (username: @marialynnshaw), but I will also post them here to update myself.  This will be hard at first, but I think once I get going, it will just be a wonderful routine.  At least, I hope.

I’d really like to be part of the 29%… so wish me luck.  😉

xo

 

2013 | 2014

***

Just wanted to take a moment to thank 2013… it was hard, fun, ridiculous, and everything inbetween.  I am grateful for the lessons learned.  Here’s to 2014 where I plan on being even more grateful for everything life has to offer.  I have a hard time with change and although, its just going from one day to the next; just like yesterday… there is a different feeling to starting a new year.  Maybe its just me, I maybe put too much pressure on the new year, but it has so much opportunity and hope attached to it.  “This will be my year!” kinda stuff.  I’m trying a slightly different approach this year… be grateful and be a doer.  Get business done & be grateful you can get business done!  I am scared of the new, but excited at the same time.  Really though, thank you 2013 — lots of lessons learned.  If not for those lessons, 2014 won’t be what it will be…
Now for my New Years Resolutions, every year I make them and every year I break most of them.  haha But it wouldn’t be a new year if I didn’t make my resolutions… (although, they are almost the same every year… I could just copy last years list.  haha!)  Here we go!

Slow down:   There are so many things I want to do that I get overwhelmed.  I get all caught up in the 10,000 things I’d like to accomplish right. now. and then I end up doing none of them.  I need to take it easy… everything doesn’t have to (and realistically cannot) be done right now.  I need to just take it one thing at a time and eventually all those things will get done.  The way I’m doing it now… nothing is getting done.  And there is no worse feeling than having a completely unproductive day.  Also, when I rush through stuff, I don’t get any enjoyment out of it.  Slowing down and really relishing the moment.

Money:  I am a thirty-something adult and I still do not know how to manage my money.  So my goal is to learn how to manage money.  Normally my goal is to save… but I think I need to learn how to manage and in managing I think saving just comes naturally.

Health:  Take better care of myself, clearly.  I have been doing a terrible job at this… I want to feel good about myself again, so I need to take better care.  Not only to look good on the outside but most importantly, feel great on the inside.  I may never be a size 2, but I can feel perfect just being me in whatever size I might be.  Yoga & running like I used to do, I know its possible to be healthy, I was there once… I can do it again.

Fear:  Let it go.  I suppose that is two in one.  I need to stop letting fear get the best of me and holding me (and others) back… and letting go of things.  I hold on to my fears so tightly, not to let them get away.  In doing so I am losing so many opportunities.  Fear is blocking the happiness from getting into my life.  Every time I have a fear enter my head, I need to tell it to go away, and eventually it will stop coming around.  This will be a hard one for me to tackle, but I’m going to work my hardest at this one.

Creativity:  I opened an Etsy store (Surprisingly Upbeat) in November and considering I don’t do any advertising… I think it gets seen more than I ever thought it would.  Which of course makes me think maybe it could become something, something small, something fun… but something!  I have so many ideas I would like to see come to fruition, so I need to slow down (resolution #1 and this one go hand in hand, really) and just do one idea a month or whatever.  I also have a few projects I wanted to get done for friends, which I need to make the time for.  I was given a new, amazing sewing machine for Christmas and I cant wait to use it!  So. Much. To. Do.  This is where I really need to stop, take a breath and slow down… or nothing will get done and my creativity meter will be stuck at low forever.

S l ow  D o w n…

These are tough ones, but good ones.  I feel good about this years list.  Normally its like 50 things long, which is just setting myself up for failure.  A simple list of things, its perfect.

Cheers to 2013 and Welcome 2014!

xo

*image taken from Sometimes Sweet Blog