I made this!

YOU GUYS!!!  This is a wonderful update…

A few of my ideas came to life over the weekend!  I did it!

I have only had time to post one item, albeit, with only one photo — not even a good photo,  I POSTED A NEW ITEM!  You guys, this is a big deal for me… I’m a doer!  I’m trying harder than I’ve ever tried before, so I am feeling proud of myself.  Even if my ideas are crap (I don’t think they are… but who am I?)… they are MY ideas and I made them with my bare hands!  That alone, is a big deal.

If you get a chance… occasionally head on over an see my new items:  Surprisingly Upbeat 

Direct link to my newest creation:  Sailboat Brooch, Please.

I made this!  Original idea by Maria Shaw

I made this! Original idea by Maria Shaw

I’ll be back to post more of my items… I think I may try and do a “I made this” series.  So I will be back!

xo

1/2 way point. (plus a month, but who’s counting?)

So I’m a little over my half birthday… and well, the ambition (per usual) has died down.  I had such great intentions to make a list of 36 things to accomplish this year (since I’m :::shutter::: 36 this year).

I have always been lazy and over ambitious; two things that don’t mix well.  I am not a doer, I want to be, but I’m not naturally a doer.  I have the greatest ideas, but I don’t have the motivation to follow through with them.  Its a shame.  I know I’d be world famous crafter or designer or president or something… if only I could find my strength and motivation.  Seriously though, I have come up with some fantastic ideas.  Lately I have so many ideas, my head is going to explode.  I’ve started writing them down in order for that to not happen.  No one wants to see my head explode… 

All in all… I’m gosh darn depressed!  Some days I feel fantastic and I have all this hope for the future and I’m excited… then there are days like today, where I feel… low, hopeless, worrisome.

This all brings up a thought, many of them actually, but first:  How did I end up here?  Not that I’m in a bad place, nothing like that.  Not even close.  I’m in a great place.  I just never imagined this life for myself.  I always imagined somehow (without any effort on my part, of course) I’d be happily working for someone I enjoyed, married, kids, house, picket fence, the American Dream!  All of it without giving any effort, because I truly felt, it would all just land in my lap.  I never imagined I’d be sans any of those things.  Not that I’d trade my current situation (other than my job — I’m not happy with that at all and would trade it in)… my current situation is great, I’m grateful for all the things & people I have in my life.  Its a good life.  I just have never had/made a plan for myself.  I have always just gone day to day, flowing with the flow…

And now… here I am …36.  It’s not old, but lets be real… its not young either.  I should have at least some of my shit figured out.  This thought really gets to me a lot.  I’ve never been that person that cared about age until this year.  This is the first year I’ve been really upset about not accomplishing any dreams and not even knowing what my dreams are.  I know I have time to accomplish a lot… and I’m working on it, working on it harder than I ever have before.  Yet… nothing has come to fruition and I’m frustrated.  I know things take time, and I’m working on being patient with myself and others.  I’m also trying to not put an importance on the things that are out of my control.  Everything I need is on its way.  I genuinely believe that.  Though… for my sanity, I need progress.  I need to make progress, with the things that are in my control.

I’ve been putting A LOT of thought into going back to school, and even a few actions in place.  I don’t have a solid set in stone plan, just yet, but I have some basic steps in place.  First and foremost is finances.  I have to get my finances in order.  My rough/basic plan is as follows:

\\FINANCES:
–Save $$
–Sell more on Etsy
–Work with financial aid
–Get part time job

\\ETSY:
–Create more items for the store
–PROMOTE
–Blog more (part of the promotion)
–Make business cards

\\SCHOOL:
–Register – DONE
–Financial Aid – In process (waiting for my award letter)
–Talk to counseling office (what classes do I take?!)
–Sign up!

That’s the basic/rough plan so far.   I know there are so so so many details I need to iron out before anything happens… but I’m on a good path.  And I need to stay focused.  If I don’t, I may lose my mind.  I need to move forward with my life… I’ve been standing still for far too long.  Its beginning to feel like my feet are in concrete and I can’t move.  I’m desperate to get moving…

Wish me luck; good, preferably.

How I feel, stuck.

This is a drawing of how I feel; stuck in a bucket of cement, while wearing a seriously adorable dress. (I’m an incredible artist, I know.)

2013 | 2014

***

Just wanted to take a moment to thank 2013… it was hard, fun, ridiculous, and everything inbetween.  I am grateful for the lessons learned.  Here’s to 2014 where I plan on being even more grateful for everything life has to offer.  I have a hard time with change and although, its just going from one day to the next; just like yesterday… there is a different feeling to starting a new year.  Maybe its just me, I maybe put too much pressure on the new year, but it has so much opportunity and hope attached to it.  “This will be my year!” kinda stuff.  I’m trying a slightly different approach this year… be grateful and be a doer.  Get business done & be grateful you can get business done!  I am scared of the new, but excited at the same time.  Really though, thank you 2013 — lots of lessons learned.  If not for those lessons, 2014 won’t be what it will be…
Now for my New Years Resolutions, every year I make them and every year I break most of them.  haha But it wouldn’t be a new year if I didn’t make my resolutions… (although, they are almost the same every year… I could just copy last years list.  haha!)  Here we go!

Slow down:   There are so many things I want to do that I get overwhelmed.  I get all caught up in the 10,000 things I’d like to accomplish right. now. and then I end up doing none of them.  I need to take it easy… everything doesn’t have to (and realistically cannot) be done right now.  I need to just take it one thing at a time and eventually all those things will get done.  The way I’m doing it now… nothing is getting done.  And there is no worse feeling than having a completely unproductive day.  Also, when I rush through stuff, I don’t get any enjoyment out of it.  Slowing down and really relishing the moment.

Money:  I am a thirty-something adult and I still do not know how to manage my money.  So my goal is to learn how to manage money.  Normally my goal is to save… but I think I need to learn how to manage and in managing I think saving just comes naturally.

Health:  Take better care of myself, clearly.  I have been doing a terrible job at this… I want to feel good about myself again, so I need to take better care.  Not only to look good on the outside but most importantly, feel great on the inside.  I may never be a size 2, but I can feel perfect just being me in whatever size I might be.  Yoga & running like I used to do, I know its possible to be healthy, I was there once… I can do it again.

Fear:  Let it go.  I suppose that is two in one.  I need to stop letting fear get the best of me and holding me (and others) back… and letting go of things.  I hold on to my fears so tightly, not to let them get away.  In doing so I am losing so many opportunities.  Fear is blocking the happiness from getting into my life.  Every time I have a fear enter my head, I need to tell it to go away, and eventually it will stop coming around.  This will be a hard one for me to tackle, but I’m going to work my hardest at this one.

Creativity:  I opened an Etsy store (Surprisingly Upbeat) in November and considering I don’t do any advertising… I think it gets seen more than I ever thought it would.  Which of course makes me think maybe it could become something, something small, something fun… but something!  I have so many ideas I would like to see come to fruition, so I need to slow down (resolution #1 and this one go hand in hand, really) and just do one idea a month or whatever.  I also have a few projects I wanted to get done for friends, which I need to make the time for.  I was given a new, amazing sewing machine for Christmas and I cant wait to use it!  So. Much. To. Do.  This is where I really need to stop, take a breath and slow down… or nothing will get done and my creativity meter will be stuck at low forever.

S l ow  D o w n…

These are tough ones, but good ones.  I feel good about this years list.  Normally its like 50 things long, which is just setting myself up for failure.  A simple list of things, its perfect.

Cheers to 2013 and Welcome 2014!

xo

*image taken from Sometimes Sweet Blog

be brave. (my ramblings)

“Don’t allow your mind to tell your heart what to do. The mind gives up easily”

– Paulo Coelho

 

I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it

 

Be Brave… something that is so hard for me. I fear everything, it’s paralyzing; most of the time I can’t do anything because I am so afraid. I have come to realize its time for me to stop this and really try to be brave. (Only took me 35 years to get to here, but hey who’s counting?) It’s been a week and I’m doing so-so. Not bad, but not great. Amplifying hope & happiness has never been easy, so every moment I have to remind myself to be positive. I’m doing much better. I see the light at the end of the tunnel; I know it’s only a week, but hey… it’s a WEEK!

So anyway, I haven’t been in the right frame of mind for a good update lately. I miss blogging. A lot. But I just can’t seem to get in a good place to have something anything to say. I’m not saying life is bad, it’s not bad… it’s quite good most of the time. I’m just missing my creativity I suppose. I need to find it soon so I feel sane again.

I miss feeling sane.

One thing that has been on my mind lately… rebuilding life. I feel like since I moved back from NJ I’ve struggled to rebuild my life. It shouldn’t be this hard, but wow… it’s still hard! I sort of lost it all when I moved back from NJ – friends, job, dog, home, the life I’d come to know. I moved home and I feel like it’s been this uphill battle to get my life back. I made traction and thought I was moving forward at a good pace in 2011; then it all fell apart again. Kind of like that game Chutes and Ladders… made it almost to the top and I land on a Chute and fell all the way down again.

*sigh* Back to the drawing board…

Recently, I do feel like I was given the tools to rebuild a great new life and my attitude has had a bit of a shift; a brighter outlook on life. So now I need to really try to focus my energy on happiness & creativity. I have lost so much time on dwelling on the past, I’ve missed out on the present. My new job is wonderful, I have an excitement for the future I haven’t had in a long time & its Friday. I’m climbing up a ladder for sure… I just have to keep holding on; sure there are going to be chutes here and there, but I won’t let another one take me all the way to the bottom.

So here’s to a new outlook and brighter days ahead! xo

20130802-111448.jpg

My first.

currently 1

So, for months (and months) I’ve been wanting to make this a weekly entry on this lonely blog of mine.  I’ve been putting it off and putting it off.  Well, the procrastination stops here!  This is the first of the weekly Currently posts.  I love reading other bloggers “Currently” posts and it always inspires me to want to do it.  So here we go…

Thinking about:  What I’m going to do while R is out of town.  I was talking to a friend of mine last week, her BF is going out of town on business for an extended amount of time and I was telling her how great it really can be for her while he is away; there are so many great things about it, sure she’ll miss him and it sucks to be alone sometimes, but if you push those thoughts out of your head… its such a wonderful time to reflect on yourself and do everything just for you.  All about me time.

I should listen to myself more… R is going out of town for a week (BIG DEAL, seriously) and I was having a panic attack.  I really don’t like being alone, but I made it through 11 months without him, I think I can handle a WEEK.  Anyway, all the great advice I was offering to my friend I should really make use of myself.  I made a list at the beginning of the year of all the things I miss doing that have taken a backseat to my pouting and feeling sorry for myself, so starting tonight and going through the end of the week (and beyond of course), I’m going to tackle my long list of unfinished crafty projects, wear a face mask, whiten my teeth, get my nails done, clean the apartment thoroughly, do my laundry & put it all away, maybe even go through my shoes!  So. much. to. do. !!  And lots of *me* time to do it in!  How exciting (using that term loosely, but one persons chore is another persons exciting adventure, right?  No?  Well, I am trying here!)  So really… why was I ever disappointed R was going away?

Feeling:  A little like this:

 

I just can’t seem to stop from drowning in my own self pity (wah wah I had a bad year, boo hoo – time to get over it already!).  It’s really driving me (and I’m sure, everyone around me) crazy.  So it’ll be good that R will be gone, I’m going to do a little reset.  I didn’t do a very good job of it this morning, but I will work on it for the rest of the week and maybe he’ll come back to a more relaxed and calm girlfriend.  Here is to hoping I’m more like this by the end of this week:

Watching:  Game of Thrones – obsessed with Daenerys Targaryen and her dragons and Robb Stark isn’t hard on the eyes either, its an incredible show.  New Girl.  The Mindy Project.  Veep.  Mad men.  Dexter (season 5). Mostly those, I believe.  I love TV, I have no shame.  So I’m looking forward to watching Friends reruns, dumb sitcoms, Real Housewives of OC (SO GOOD) & dramas (mostly catching up on  Mad Men) that R doesn’t watch this week.  Yay!

Reading:  I *am* going to read the next book that my book club (that I joined like 2 years ago) chooses this time.  So I will find out in a few days what I’ll be reading.  As of right now, I have no current reads.  Maybe I should finish up The Paris Wife ( LOVE it so far) or Committed.  Both are fantastic, yet I haven’t picked them up in months.  Maybe that’s something I should do before bed all this week.  Add that to the list!

Looking forward to:  My new job!  Well, I haven’t officially received an offer yet, but I interviewed & received a possible offer (read: a curious email that implied a job offer is on its way, maybe/possibly/hopefully).  I am thinking very positive thoughts, throwing out positive vibes, crossing my fingers and hoping very strongly that this week I receive the letter.

Making me happy: Finally finishing this post. (!!!)  Like I said, I’ve been wanting to do one of these updates for many many months and I just never had enough to say.  Also making me happy:  me time, crafting, a clean apartment, possible (very possible) new job and everything that comes with it, sunshine and my cat.

Let’s Go Window Shopping…

Candy Button Beauty Dress $344.99 {modcloth.com}

Your Lucky Daisy Dress $344.99 {modcloth.com}

Style in Your Sails Dress $99.99 (a tiny bit more affordable, yay!) {modcloth.com}

Float Couture Dress $109.99 {I think I want this one the most} {modcloth.com}

Upwardly Mobile Satchel in Mint $174.99 {the color aahhhh!} {modcloth.com}

Parlor Pretty Bag $64.99 {love these colors too!} {modcloth.com}

OH MY CUTE. counting sheep sweater {madewell.com} $89.99 {on sale!!}

Gah! All. Of. These. Now.

Seriously?! I die. Vero Moda Raccoon Intarsia Knit Sweater $38.59 {asos.com} {on sale!}

I really want a polka dot long sleeve, but when I was searching for the perfect one I ran into this one. Yes, please. {forever21.com} Polka Dot Sheer Shirt $19.80

I must leave a note to self:  do not search “polka dot top” on modcloth.com unless you want to torture yourself.

Sage Manager Top $37.99 {modcloth.com}

Career Driven Top $37.99 {so. stinking. cute. and… on sale too!} {modcloth.com}

Frilled to the Trim Top $27.99 {on sale!} {modcloth.com}

The Coral of the Story Top $44.99 {modcloth.com}

Sci Fi Lifestyle Dress $129.99 {modcloth.com}

Party in Port Skirt $74.99 {modcloth.com}

Year Abroad Dress $129.99 {modcloth.com}

Pay Compliments Wallet $37.99 {modcloth.com}

Orla Kiely Trunnel of Love Dress $522.99 {modcloth.com}

I Link It’s Love Necklace $9.99 {modcloth.com}

Thesis the Plan Flat in Black $45.99 {modcloth.com}

Okay! Okay!  That is enough!  I could do this all day…

xo

“They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”

Yes, it is...

Yes, it is…

So here I am again… making my annual New Year Resolution list!  I do this every year and I just love it.   I always have so many things I want to accomplish in a year and I never get to everything on my list (they are usually VERY long), but that is okay.  I just enjoy giving myself a little direction for the year.  I like making lists and they help me keep track of the things I’d like to do.  And that’s just it… its about what I like to do, not what I MUST do!

13 resolutions/goals for 2013 (in noooo particular order):

  1. Craft more.  Period.  Ultimately, I’d like to finish at least one project a week. (My 52 week project!)
  2. Make time to exercise.  2012 I fell off the wagon with this one!  I am about to sign up at Yoga Works & I plan on getting back to my running routine.  I have set my year goal in RunKeeper and I hope it will keep me honest.
  3. (more like 2a.) Walk/run a mile a day.  That way I will have at least 365 miles done by this time next year.  I would like to see more than 365, but 365 would be more than I did last year!  (My 365 day project!)
  4. Be a doer.  I really need to finish what I start.  Like this list for example!  I started this days ago!  It’s already the 10th of the month, for crying out loud.  (I should probably make this #1; in order to accomplish all 13 of my goals, this does need to be first up!)
  5. Get a journal and write a “to do” list everyday.  I need better structure in my life and lists help me.  I have been list free for most of 2012 and I think it might be a portion of the reason I did n o t h i n g.  Must make more lists!
  6. Blog more.  I have a new blog for my crafting, so I really need to stay on top of this!  I’d like blogging & crafting to become more than just a hobby in 2013.  So I need to create a lot more with my spare time.
  7. NEW JOB, like asap.  I could go on and on about my current job, but I will leave it at this; I need a new job. Immediately.  Either a new job or a new path.  I have a plan, but its a risky one!  A scary one!  But from what I hear/read… those are the best kind of plans?  I would love to see it come to fruition.  There has been talk about it, support even… now I just have to work on backing up the plan and making it work for us.  We’ll see… something will change here one way or another.
  8. Take better care of myself.  I need to take care of my skin, my body, my mind.  With all the changes in the past year, I’ve really let myself go.  I know I’ve already made the resolution to exercise, but I also need to eat right, do face masks, go to the dentist, whiten my teeths,  clean up/keep tidy, being around friends & my parents, keep up with my hobbies, etc.  Anything that helps with my well-being.  Focus more on me.
  9. Revamp my closet.  A lot of my clothes are old.  And I mean o l d.  I think about half my wardrobe was purchased in 2008-2009.  So things are looking a bit ratty.  I need to replace and add pieces badly.  So I need to start spending more wisely; instead of just buying on a whim, without a thought.  I have many pieces I bought just to buy and I don’t wear them.  I’m going to
  10. Manage Money.  I am terrible at managing my money; every year I try to be better at this and I feel I’ve made progress, but this year I’d like to see myself take a big step with the management.  Stop spending freely, really think about my purchases.  Stick to a budget and see where I’m over spending.
  11. Travel, travel, travel!  I know this comes right after “manage money” but whats the point of having money if you can’t enjoy life?  Part of the management of my money would be to save up for awesome road trips, plane trips, train trips, All TRIPS!  There is so much to this part of the world alone I haven’t really experienced, I feel like I’m behind.  I need to catch up and see America… and then venture on to the other countries in our beautiful world.  I really hope that R & I really do a lot more exploring.  We deserve it.
  12. Spend more time with my loved ones/make and keep plans.  I’ve been such a hermit… and I hate leaving the Westside; its become quite an issue.  I’m grumpy and unhappy.  I don’t see people, besides R, all week long!  I need to get out more.  I’m a very social person and I haven’t been social at all.  I’m not social at work, I’m not really social after work, I’m not social on the weekends… I’m just not social anymore!  It’s awful!  This must change.
  13. Be happy.  I know this is pretty general, but its something I need to remember a lot of the time.  I’m not very satisfied with myself right now, but overall I have an incredible life and I have no reason to not be happy.  No, I may not have the best figure or my dream job… but I really do have every reason in the world to be the happiest girl ever.  I sometimes forget that.  I hope I can remember to live each day with happiness in my heart… and not envy, insecurity, frustration, irritation.  Just happiness.

So that’s that.  Again, these are in no particular order and a lot of them will be on going every year, but I’d like to get them all started this year. It is the year of the doer, after-all!  AND it is MY year… 

 

*Quote by Andy Warhol