1/2 way point. (plus a month, but who’s counting?)

So I’m a little over my half birthday… and well, the ambition (per usual) has died down.  I had such great intentions to make a list of 36 things to accomplish this year (since I’m :::shutter::: 36 this year).

I have always been lazy and over ambitious; two things that don’t mix well.  I am not a doer, I want to be, but I’m not naturally a doer.  I have the greatest ideas, but I don’t have the motivation to follow through with them.  Its a shame.  I know I’d be world famous crafter or designer or president or something… if only I could find my strength and motivation.  Seriously though, I have come up with some fantastic ideas.  Lately I have so many ideas, my head is going to explode.  I’ve started writing them down in order for that to not happen.  No one wants to see my head explode… 

All in all… I’m gosh darn depressed!  Some days I feel fantastic and I have all this hope for the future and I’m excited… then there are days like today, where I feel… low, hopeless, worrisome.

This all brings up a thought, many of them actually, but first:  How did I end up here?  Not that I’m in a bad place, nothing like that.  Not even close.  I’m in a great place.  I just never imagined this life for myself.  I always imagined somehow (without any effort on my part, of course) I’d be happily working for someone I enjoyed, married, kids, house, picket fence, the American Dream!  All of it without giving any effort, because I truly felt, it would all just land in my lap.  I never imagined I’d be sans any of those things.  Not that I’d trade my current situation (other than my job — I’m not happy with that at all and would trade it in)… my current situation is great, I’m grateful for all the things & people I have in my life.  Its a good life.  I just have never had/made a plan for myself.  I have always just gone day to day, flowing with the flow…

And now… here I am …36.  It’s not old, but lets be real… its not young either.  I should have at least some of my shit figured out.  This thought really gets to me a lot.  I’ve never been that person that cared about age until this year.  This is the first year I’ve been really upset about not accomplishing any dreams and not even knowing what my dreams are.  I know I have time to accomplish a lot… and I’m working on it, working on it harder than I ever have before.  Yet… nothing has come to fruition and I’m frustrated.  I know things take time, and I’m working on being patient with myself and others.  I’m also trying to not put an importance on the things that are out of my control.  Everything I need is on its way.  I genuinely believe that.  Though… for my sanity, I need progress.  I need to make progress, with the things that are in my control.

I’ve been putting A LOT of thought into going back to school, and even a few actions in place.  I don’t have a solid set in stone plan, just yet, but I have some basic steps in place.  First and foremost is finances.  I have to get my finances in order.  My rough/basic plan is as follows:

\\FINANCES:
–Save $$
–Sell more on Etsy
–Work with financial aid
–Get part time job

\\ETSY:
–Create more items for the store
–PROMOTE
–Blog more (part of the promotion)
–Make business cards

\\SCHOOL:
–Register – DONE
–Financial Aid – In process (waiting for my award letter)
–Talk to counseling office (what classes do I take?!)
–Sign up!

That’s the basic/rough plan so far.   I know there are so so so many details I need to iron out before anything happens… but I’m on a good path.  And I need to stay focused.  If I don’t, I may lose my mind.  I need to move forward with my life… I’ve been standing still for far too long.  Its beginning to feel like my feet are in concrete and I can’t move.  I’m desperate to get moving…

Wish me luck; good, preferably.

How I feel, stuck.

This is a drawing of how I feel; stuck in a bucket of cement, while wearing a seriously adorable dress. (I’m an incredible artist, I know.)

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a girl only turns 24, 11 times… ONCE!

This is a little late, but better than never ❤

So Sunday, the 14th of October was my 35th or as I prefer,  24th (+11) birthday… I know age is only a number and all, I don’t look it and I certainly do not act my age… but this one was a little hard to handle, to be honest.  Turning 30 was easy!  *shudder* 35… oh boy… what a pill to swallow!

Lucky for me {seriously though… LUCKY me} I have incredible people in my life that have made it a much easier pill to swallow!  My birthday celebration started Friday, 12 October at work.  They gave me a beautiful card, gift {my boss is too generous} snacks & a delicious cake!  It was a great surprise!  I also wore a tiara & boa to celebrate and every time someone would stop by the office and wish me a happy birthday, I would act surprised and asked how they knew!  It was a fun day.

yummy!

Saturday, 13 October was also a lovely day!  Woke up leisurely.  Packed up a few things and went on a beautiful hike.  It was just what the doctor ordered.  R & I enjoyed every hot sweaty second of it.  It wasn’t super long, about 5 miles, the sun was shining very bright so that was a little rough, but we had a lovely beach breeze and amazing scenery.  It was an incredible morning/afternoon.  After the hike we went to a local cafe and had a yummy lunch and then home to get ready for dinner with my parents.  Dinner was fun, R hadn’t really spent much time around my parents, but he’s a trooper and it was a lot of fun.

I’m pretty excited. It was a beautiful day.

Then the real fun begins…

14th of October.

R had planned a lovely weekend trip to Disneyland for me!  Knowing how much I love Disneyland, it meant so much.  He really is just the greatest.  So we woke up, got ready and headed down to Disneyland.  He got us a sweet room at the D-land Hotel… 11th floor, no big deal. {HUGE DEAL!!  I was freaking out!!} Once we arrived at the park, we met up with a few friends, rode a few rides, it was a sweltering heat kinda day so I was a little slow… sweating my skin off.  haha.  But all in all it was incredible.  R made us reservations at a cute restaurant at California Adventure… some guy tried to cut in front of us {there are even lines for the reservations at restaurants at Disneyland, its true; lines everywhere}; I let him know who’s boss… it was pretty funny.  🙂  After the dinner, which was delicious, we went to see the World of Color show… I’d never seen it, so it was super exciting!  Thennnnnnnnn the best part ever was… we went to walk through the new CarsLand, just to see it at night {it’s so cool lit up at night} and just for kicks we went to see how long the wait was for the new Radiator Springs Racers ride would be, and even at 10:50pm it was 70 minutes!  Can you believe that?!  70 minutes!  That’s wild.  Anyhow, just before we walked away… this lady said “I have two fast passes for the ride, would you two want them?”  UHHH YEAH!!  So 10 minutes later, we on the coolest ride at Disneyland!  So awesome.  It was the best.  It was a great trip to Disneyland and such a wonderful birthday.  I know he won’t read this, but THANK YOU, R… you truly made my 24th (+11) birthday one to remember.  ❤  Here is to an exciting new year… xo