2013 | 2014

***

Just wanted to take a moment to thank 2013… it was hard, fun, ridiculous, and everything inbetween.  I am grateful for the lessons learned.  Here’s to 2014 where I plan on being even more grateful for everything life has to offer.  I have a hard time with change and although, its just going from one day to the next; just like yesterday… there is a different feeling to starting a new year.  Maybe its just me, I maybe put too much pressure on the new year, but it has so much opportunity and hope attached to it.  “This will be my year!” kinda stuff.  I’m trying a slightly different approach this year… be grateful and be a doer.  Get business done & be grateful you can get business done!  I am scared of the new, but excited at the same time.  Really though, thank you 2013 — lots of lessons learned.  If not for those lessons, 2014 won’t be what it will be…
Now for my New Years Resolutions, every year I make them and every year I break most of them.  haha But it wouldn’t be a new year if I didn’t make my resolutions… (although, they are almost the same every year… I could just copy last years list.  haha!)  Here we go!

Slow down:   There are so many things I want to do that I get overwhelmed.  I get all caught up in the 10,000 things I’d like to accomplish right. now. and then I end up doing none of them.  I need to take it easy… everything doesn’t have to (and realistically cannot) be done right now.  I need to just take it one thing at a time and eventually all those things will get done.  The way I’m doing it now… nothing is getting done.  And there is no worse feeling than having a completely unproductive day.  Also, when I rush through stuff, I don’t get any enjoyment out of it.  Slowing down and really relishing the moment.

Money:  I am a thirty-something adult and I still do not know how to manage my money.  So my goal is to learn how to manage money.  Normally my goal is to save… but I think I need to learn how to manage and in managing I think saving just comes naturally.

Health:  Take better care of myself, clearly.  I have been doing a terrible job at this… I want to feel good about myself again, so I need to take better care.  Not only to look good on the outside but most importantly, feel great on the inside.  I may never be a size 2, but I can feel perfect just being me in whatever size I might be.  Yoga & running like I used to do, I know its possible to be healthy, I was there once… I can do it again.

Fear:  Let it go.  I suppose that is two in one.  I need to stop letting fear get the best of me and holding me (and others) back… and letting go of things.  I hold on to my fears so tightly, not to let them get away.  In doing so I am losing so many opportunities.  Fear is blocking the happiness from getting into my life.  Every time I have a fear enter my head, I need to tell it to go away, and eventually it will stop coming around.  This will be a hard one for me to tackle, but I’m going to work my hardest at this one.

Creativity:  I opened an Etsy store (Surprisingly Upbeat) in November and considering I don’t do any advertising… I think it gets seen more than I ever thought it would.  Which of course makes me think maybe it could become something, something small, something fun… but something!  I have so many ideas I would like to see come to fruition, so I need to slow down (resolution #1 and this one go hand in hand, really) and just do one idea a month or whatever.  I also have a few projects I wanted to get done for friends, which I need to make the time for.  I was given a new, amazing sewing machine for Christmas and I cant wait to use it!  So. Much. To. Do.  This is where I really need to stop, take a breath and slow down… or nothing will get done and my creativity meter will be stuck at low forever.

S l ow  D o w n…

These are tough ones, but good ones.  I feel good about this years list.  Normally its like 50 things long, which is just setting myself up for failure.  A simple list of things, its perfect.

Cheers to 2013 and Welcome 2014!

xo

*image taken from Sometimes Sweet Blog

36 for 36

picture found from google images

*Let’s party*

So it’s my birthday TODAY!  Woo!  (And also a little *sigh)

This year I am going to make sure I don’t waste as much time.  I’m going to set a goal for myself.  I am going to make a list of 36 things, some new, some just behavior changes, some real challenges, just really overall positive things to accomplish in my 36th year.  In no particular order:

  1. sew a dress {or two or three or four!}
  2. make new friends
  3. learn french {and go to france?? – maybe this is one for year 37 ha}
  4. open etsy store & sell one item on etsy {more would be wonderful, but i’d be so happy with just one item sold}
  5. be a healthier me; inside and out {eat better. run a 5k, then a 10k.  maybe a half marathon next year!}
  6. think more positive thoughts; worry less
  7. save money {i’ve never been good at this one, eep!}
  8. stop talking about blogging more and BLOG MORE.  i really enjoy it, when i do it.  and… i have so many ideas!
  9. spend more time with family
  10. send more mail {as in USPS mail; letters/gifts to friends  {who doesn’t like getting happy mail?!}
  11. craft more.  dedicate 3 days a week to crafty/artsy projects
  12. decorate; make our apartment more homey, its so… bleh.
  13. do what makes *me* happy at all times {this will be tough}
  14. disneyland.  at least 10 times
  15. join a club or a class – belong to something
  16. don’t worry about what others will think; just be *me* {see #13}
  17. TBD
  18. TBD
  19. TBD
  20. TBD
  21. TBD
  22. TBD
  23. TBD
  24. TBD
  25. TBD
  26. TBD
  27. TBD
  28. TBD
  29. TBD
  30. TBD
  31. TBD
  32. TBD
  33. TBD
  34. TBD
  35. TBD
  36. TBD

Okay so that’s a good start, right?  I had thought of a few more while driving home from work last night and thought to myself “I should leave myself a voice message to remind myself to write this down” and of course I convinced myself I would remember.  HA!  When those come back to me I’ll add them.  And I’ll occasionally come back to this list and update.  I want to check things off my list as I get further along {although, a lot of these are on going} and I will be adding things as I go!

I’m very excited about this little {actually quite big} adventure!  This is my year!

Cheers!

be brave. (my ramblings)

“Don’t allow your mind to tell your heart what to do. The mind gives up easily”

– Paulo Coelho

 

I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it

 

Be Brave… something that is so hard for me. I fear everything, it’s paralyzing; most of the time I can’t do anything because I am so afraid. I have come to realize its time for me to stop this and really try to be brave. (Only took me 35 years to get to here, but hey who’s counting?) It’s been a week and I’m doing so-so. Not bad, but not great. Amplifying hope & happiness has never been easy, so every moment I have to remind myself to be positive. I’m doing much better. I see the light at the end of the tunnel; I know it’s only a week, but hey… it’s a WEEK!

So anyway, I haven’t been in the right frame of mind for a good update lately. I miss blogging. A lot. But I just can’t seem to get in a good place to have something anything to say. I’m not saying life is bad, it’s not bad… it’s quite good most of the time. I’m just missing my creativity I suppose. I need to find it soon so I feel sane again.

I miss feeling sane.

One thing that has been on my mind lately… rebuilding life. I feel like since I moved back from NJ I’ve struggled to rebuild my life. It shouldn’t be this hard, but wow… it’s still hard! I sort of lost it all when I moved back from NJ – friends, job, dog, home, the life I’d come to know. I moved home and I feel like it’s been this uphill battle to get my life back. I made traction and thought I was moving forward at a good pace in 2011; then it all fell apart again. Kind of like that game Chutes and Ladders… made it almost to the top and I land on a Chute and fell all the way down again.

*sigh* Back to the drawing board…

Recently, I do feel like I was given the tools to rebuild a great new life and my attitude has had a bit of a shift; a brighter outlook on life. So now I need to really try to focus my energy on happiness & creativity. I have lost so much time on dwelling on the past, I’ve missed out on the present. My new job is wonderful, I have an excitement for the future I haven’t had in a long time & its Friday. I’m climbing up a ladder for sure… I just have to keep holding on; sure there are going to be chutes here and there, but I won’t let another one take me all the way to the bottom.

So here’s to a new outlook and brighter days ahead! xo

20130802-111448.jpg

My first.

currently 1

So, for months (and months) I’ve been wanting to make this a weekly entry on this lonely blog of mine.  I’ve been putting it off and putting it off.  Well, the procrastination stops here!  This is the first of the weekly Currently posts.  I love reading other bloggers “Currently” posts and it always inspires me to want to do it.  So here we go…

Thinking about:  What I’m going to do while R is out of town.  I was talking to a friend of mine last week, her BF is going out of town on business for an extended amount of time and I was telling her how great it really can be for her while he is away; there are so many great things about it, sure she’ll miss him and it sucks to be alone sometimes, but if you push those thoughts out of your head… its such a wonderful time to reflect on yourself and do everything just for you.  All about me time.

I should listen to myself more… R is going out of town for a week (BIG DEAL, seriously) and I was having a panic attack.  I really don’t like being alone, but I made it through 11 months without him, I think I can handle a WEEK.  Anyway, all the great advice I was offering to my friend I should really make use of myself.  I made a list at the beginning of the year of all the things I miss doing that have taken a backseat to my pouting and feeling sorry for myself, so starting tonight and going through the end of the week (and beyond of course), I’m going to tackle my long list of unfinished crafty projects, wear a face mask, whiten my teeth, get my nails done, clean the apartment thoroughly, do my laundry & put it all away, maybe even go through my shoes!  So. much. to. do. !!  And lots of *me* time to do it in!  How exciting (using that term loosely, but one persons chore is another persons exciting adventure, right?  No?  Well, I am trying here!)  So really… why was I ever disappointed R was going away?

Feeling:  A little like this:

 

I just can’t seem to stop from drowning in my own self pity (wah wah I had a bad year, boo hoo – time to get over it already!).  It’s really driving me (and I’m sure, everyone around me) crazy.  So it’ll be good that R will be gone, I’m going to do a little reset.  I didn’t do a very good job of it this morning, but I will work on it for the rest of the week and maybe he’ll come back to a more relaxed and calm girlfriend.  Here is to hoping I’m more like this by the end of this week:

Watching:  Game of Thrones – obsessed with Daenerys Targaryen and her dragons and Robb Stark isn’t hard on the eyes either, its an incredible show.  New Girl.  The Mindy Project.  Veep.  Mad men.  Dexter (season 5). Mostly those, I believe.  I love TV, I have no shame.  So I’m looking forward to watching Friends reruns, dumb sitcoms, Real Housewives of OC (SO GOOD) & dramas (mostly catching up on  Mad Men) that R doesn’t watch this week.  Yay!

Reading:  I *am* going to read the next book that my book club (that I joined like 2 years ago) chooses this time.  So I will find out in a few days what I’ll be reading.  As of right now, I have no current reads.  Maybe I should finish up The Paris Wife ( LOVE it so far) or Committed.  Both are fantastic, yet I haven’t picked them up in months.  Maybe that’s something I should do before bed all this week.  Add that to the list!

Looking forward to:  My new job!  Well, I haven’t officially received an offer yet, but I interviewed & received a possible offer (read: a curious email that implied a job offer is on its way, maybe/possibly/hopefully).  I am thinking very positive thoughts, throwing out positive vibes, crossing my fingers and hoping very strongly that this week I receive the letter.

Making me happy: Finally finishing this post. (!!!)  Like I said, I’ve been wanting to do one of these updates for many many months and I just never had enough to say.  Also making me happy:  me time, crafting, a clean apartment, possible (very possible) new job and everything that comes with it, sunshine and my cat.

Happy 1/2 Birthday, To Me!

I came across this great article through a blog I love reading (Sometimes Sweet) and it inspired me to make a small list of things to accomplish before I turn… um, well,  my next birthday.  (We don’t need to talk about ages, its just a number after all)  So here it is.  6 things in 6 months… before I turn… ahem, another year older:

1.  Make a 5 year plan and stick to it.  

I’ve never mapped out a plan for my life, ever… and here I am still in nowhere-ville and always just trying to “figure it out” or so I think/say; I have yet to figure anything out.  Some thoughts have been thrown around and we will see where things land in the next month or two.

2.  Start blogging again, regularly.

I look back at my old blogs and get so happy, I used to do stuff!  Whoa!  And maybe I didn’t, but I made a point to always take a photo of something/someone and I love those memories.  I want that back.

3.  Kick negativity in the butt!

I’m naturally have a very negative attitude towards myself.  Other people, I could not be more supportive & positive… but with my own life… so. negative.  I am also so very insecure, always telling myself I’m not good enough (and today is definitely one of those days…).  I for sure need to work on my negativity & be kind to myself.  This obviously will be a work in progress, but I’d love to have made some major changes by October.

4.  Get my weight, shape & health in check.

Another work in progress, but I’d like to see some results.  Get my eating right, regular workouts, most importantly:  see some of my old dresses comfortably fit me!

5.  Become the ‘doer’ I want to be/finish what I have started (be more assertive).

So many projects.  So many.  I have so many things I’ve started and never finished.  Along with a very long list of new projects I want to start… I best get on this one immediately!  Tonight! I will work on my cross stitch month sampler, I have only finished January and I should be half way through April already!

Such a cute project… each month they email you a new months pattern.

6.  Remember the little things.

This might be silly, but I have let these things slip through the cracks and they are important to me.  The little things:  face masks, teeth whitening, painting my nails, window shopping/real shopping, talking on the phone, decorating, baking, etc.  These things that made me smile and I thoroughly enjoy them.  I need more to make me smile.

So that’s my list.  I will come back to this list periodically and update my progress.  Try to keep myself updated.

I feel good about this list, it’s not so over the top that I can’t at least get a good start by October.  This could easily be done, I just have to stay focused and first and foremost I need to work on being assertive, it will certainly help to accomplish this list.  I really need to work on my self-care and this list is just that:  self-care.

I matter most.  I received this email from The Universe today and I really just love what it said:

Act the part, Maria, and circumstances will shift until it’s no longer acting… and there will be ice cream for everyone.

So that’s it… I will start acting the part.

Happy 1/2 birthday to me!!  Yay!

xo