be brave. (my ramblings)

“Don’t allow your mind to tell your heart what to do. The mind gives up easily”

– Paulo Coelho

 

I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it

 

Be Brave… something that is so hard for me. I fear everything, it’s paralyzing; most of the time I can’t do anything because I am so afraid. I have come to realize its time for me to stop this and really try to be brave. (Only took me 35 years to get to here, but hey who’s counting?) It’s been a week and I’m doing so-so. Not bad, but not great. Amplifying hope & happiness has never been easy, so every moment I have to remind myself to be positive. I’m doing much better. I see the light at the end of the tunnel; I know it’s only a week, but hey… it’s a WEEK!

So anyway, I haven’t been in the right frame of mind for a good update lately. I miss blogging. A lot. But I just can’t seem to get in a good place to have something anything to say. I’m not saying life is bad, it’s not bad… it’s quite good most of the time. I’m just missing my creativity I suppose. I need to find it soon so I feel sane again.

I miss feeling sane.

One thing that has been on my mind lately… rebuilding life. I feel like since I moved back from NJ I’ve struggled to rebuild my life. It shouldn’t be this hard, but wow… it’s still hard! I sort of lost it all when I moved back from NJ – friends, job, dog, home, the life I’d come to know. I moved home and I feel like it’s been this uphill battle to get my life back. I made traction and thought I was moving forward at a good pace in 2011; then it all fell apart again. Kind of like that game Chutes and Ladders… made it almost to the top and I land on a Chute and fell all the way down again.

*sigh* Back to the drawing board…

Recently, I do feel like I was given the tools to rebuild a great new life and my attitude has had a bit of a shift; a brighter outlook on life. So now I need to really try to focus my energy on happiness & creativity. I have lost so much time on dwelling on the past, I’ve missed out on the present. My new job is wonderful, I have an excitement for the future I haven’t had in a long time & its Friday. I’m climbing up a ladder for sure… I just have to keep holding on; sure there are going to be chutes here and there, but I won’t let another one take me all the way to the bottom.

So here’s to a new outlook and brighter days ahead! xo

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